Another type of self-confidence

“I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.” 
― Edgar Allan Poe, Marginalia

I have never suffered from a lack of self-confidence, and nor am I now. But as I become older, I develop (I guess, or, to be more precise- I hope), and I realize that self-confidence is something, that implies huge work. I remember, as a girl, I just had it, probably thanks to my extremely loving parents, who somehow managed to induce that to my little mind, to make me believe I was a unique, special, and valuable person. And I strongly believed I could do anything I wanted, I just felt I was special, without ever thinking of what any achievement costs. I just believed.

Today, however, my self-confidence has to always be backed-up by hard work and, ultimately, some achivements. It just doesn’t come for granted anymore. I just cannot walk in the room feeling an educated person, if I haven’t visited a museum in….let’s say, a while. Nor can I feel confident about my body, when I take long breaks from exercising. But that doesn’t make me less of a believer, it is just another belief. It is conscious, mindful, self-ironic, dare-I-say wise. Today I have a mature type of self-confidence, and, hell, I like it more. Because today I know that Rome didn’t just suddenly arise, and nor was it built in a day!